don’t forget the adult children of divorce
HER EMPOWERED DIVORCE EPisode 99
HOW TO DEAL WITH ADULT CHILDREN DURING A DIVORCE.
HOST: Beverly Price, Divorce & Empowerment Coach
GUEST: Linda Hershman, Licenced Marriage and Family Therapist
SUMMARY:
In the tumultuous process of divorce, our focus tends to gravitate toward the younger ones caught in the midst of it all, inadvertently sidelining the experiences of adult children, who can also be profoundly affected. Adult children are often unfairly perceived as resilient and self-reliant individuals capable of weathering any storm, a misconception that discredits their feelings and emotional experiences during their parents' separation. In this episode of Her Empowered Divorce, your Host, Beverly Price, talks to Linda Hershman, a returning guest who is a Licensed Family and Marriage Therapist and the author of Gray Divorce. They discuss this lesser-explored topic: gray divorce and its impact on older children and why acknowledging the vulnerability of adult children and providing them with the support they need is as crucial as safeguarding the interests of the younger ones.
Divorce doesn’t have to be a death sentence. With the right support and guidance, you can move through the process with knowledge, skills, and confidence. If you’d like to schedule a complimentary private consultation, reach out to Beverly at: https://beverly-price.as.me/Consultation.
Visit https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/her-empowered-divorce/id1635143315 to access the entire archive of Her Empowered Divorce episodes, and while you’re there, please subscribe, rate, and review our show!
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
What is the phenomenon of adult children and divorce? Divorce's impact on adult children is considered part of ambiguous losses. These are losses that are not recognized by society as losses and for which there is no community support.
It’s not simple for adult children of divorce (ACODs); they experience many losses, such as family traditions, financial losses, and broken promises, that may devastate them. Listen to them, ask them, validate their feelings, and encourage them to get their own support.
Why is parent splitting when children are first going to college the worst time ever? Going to college is a transition time, and divorce impedes this transition. Children get stuck with one leg at school and the other at home and are constantly worrying about what is going on at home.
What is the financial implication of divorce on ACODs? So many adult children organize their lives around their parents' promises, but they are broken by divorce and loss of childcare.
Regardless of your child's age, don’t put them in the middle of your divorce. Your children are your children, not your friends; do not lean on them for any support, get your own support system in place, and don’t look to your adult children to parent you.
NOTABLE QUOTES:
People tend to assume that because ACODs are adults, they have their own lives, and they can understand what is happening and deal with it, but in reality, ACODs suffer very different and sometimes even worse losses in the divorce process than their younger counterparts. (Linda)
Remember, even though they are adults, they will always be your children; don’t lean on them as if they were your friends. Don’t complain about the other spouses or make your children feel sorry for you that they become the parent-to-parent and fix you. (Beverly)
The worst time for parents to split up is when their kids are first going off to college. Going to college is a transition time; it is a time of individualization, establishing one's identity, meeting new people, and learning who one is. (Linda)
Your children are not an aggregate; each child has their own personality and processing style, so don’t treat them as a cluster; give attention to each of them. (Linda)
When adult children become a caretaker to their parents, it’s a double-edged sword because it’s a heavy responsibility that should not be their responsibility, so make sure you are not putting your child in that role. (Linda)
ACODs' feelings are feelings, and feelings are not facts; listen, ask them, and validate their feelings, encourage them to get their own support, and don’t dismiss them. (Linda)
FURTHER RESOURCES/RELEVANT LINKS:
Beverly’s personal Facebook page can be found at: https://www.facebook.com/beverlyprice365/
Women’s Divorce and Empowerment group discussion available at: https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorcerecovery
Her Empowered Divorce YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@HerEmpoweredDivorce1
You can find the Past Episode with Linda Hershman on Gray Divorce at https://herempowereddivorce.com/episode-82-linda-hershman
Get Linda Hershman's book on Gray Divorce at: https://lindahershman.com/#where-to-buy
ABOUT OUR GUEST:
Linda is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who became interested in gray divorce or splitting up in later life when she noticed how many couples and individuals over age 50 in her private practice consider or pursue divorce.
She is the author of Gray Divorce: Everything You Need to Know About Later-Life Breakups and an AAMFT Approved Supervisor, preparing therapists for licensure as LMFTs. She has presented nationally and internationally on gray divorce and adult children of divorce. She is a frequent guest on podcasts and a writer of articles focusing on relationships.
When Linda is not seeing clients, managing her group practice, the Couples and Family Wellness Center in suburban Philadelphia, and writing books and magazine articles, she loves to travel, hike, and attend craft shows.
Website: https://lindahershman.com/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/linda-hershman-69826518
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Gray-Divorce-Book-101635665777009/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lindahershmanlmft/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/graydivorcebook
ABOUT YOUR HOST:
Beverly Price is a CDC Certified Divorce Coach ® and Women’s empowerment coach with over 25 years of experience. Her passion lies in supporting women through every aspect of separation and divorce. She offers a comprehensive coaching experience that goes beyond just empowerment work to help clients develop their communication, conflict management, boundary setting, and negotiation skills. Beverly also provides expertise on the technical, legal, and financial aspects of the divorce process.
CONTACT YOUR HOST:
Website: http://www.herempowereddivorce.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/her_empowered_divorce
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/herempowereddivorce/
Facebook Personal: https://www.facebook.com/beverlyprice365
Facebook Group: Her Empowered Divorce Tribe: https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorcerecovery
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/7kIcMXrj1tIWBOmaXBBn1U
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@herempowereddivorce1/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/beverly-price/
Email: beverly@herempowereddivorce.com
CHECK OUT MY FREE EBOOK:12 Steps to Empowerment https://herempowereddivorce.com/12-steps-to-empowerment-1
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