HIgh Conflict divorce and Personality disorders
PERSONALITY DISORDER AND High CONFLICT BEHAVIORS IN DIVORCE EP 108
HOST: Beverly Price, Divorce & Empowerment Coach
GUEST: Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Co-founder and Chief Innovation Officer High Conflict Institute in San Diego, California
SUMMARY:
Personality disorders can significantly complicate the already challenging process of divorce. Individuals with personality disorders, such as borderline, antisocial, or narcissistic personality disorder, often exhibit traits that can fuel conflict in divorce proceedings. Their intense emotions, impulsivity, and difficulty regulating behavior can lead to erratic and volatile interactions with their soon-to-be ex-spouse. Additionally, individuals with these disorders may have a distorted sense of self-worth and a strong need for control, making negotiations and compromise more challenging, and learning how to deal with the situation is critical. In this episode of Her Empowered Divorce, your Host, Beverly Price, talks to Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Co-founder and Chief Innovation Officer High Conflict Institute in San Diego, California. Together, they discuss personality disorders, how they present themselves in relationships and the divorce process, and how to deal with the resulting conflict behaviors.
Divorce doesn’t have to be a death sentence. With the right support and guidance, you can move through the process with knowledge, skills, and confidence. If you’d like to schedule a complimentary private consultation, reach out to Beverly at: https://beverly-price.as.me/Consultation.
Visit https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/her-empowered-divorce/id1635143315 to access the entire archive of Her Empowered Divorce episodes, and while you’re there, please subscribe, rate, and review our show!
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
What are personality disorders? Personality disorders are a significant part of the population but are not obvious except in close relationships. They manifest as extreme behavior that repeats even when they are self-defeating and often end up in conflict.
Why is he doing this to me, and why is he acting that way? Early on, you get along well because you are flexible, they are getting what they want, and have little demands, but suddenly, when you stop giving them what they want, the borderline switches to the all-negative.
What is the most difficult part of working with high-conflict individuals? You will not persuade them to move things, so instead, focus on what your choices are and give them choices.
Are personality disorders genetic, environmental, or upbringing? All the above. Genetics and upbringing are the biggest factors, but the good news is that these people can be treated or helped to achieve balance and control over their behavior.
Whether living with a partner with a personality disorder or in the divorce process, the most important thing you can do is get a support system for yourself and cultivate your self-worth.
NOTABLE QUOTES:
High conflict behavior is a preoccupation with blaming others and not taking responsibility, a lot of all-or-nothing thinking, unmanaged emotions that take over, and extreme behavior. (Bill)
One of the most important conversations is that first conversation with your spouse, telling them you want a divorce; it can set the tone for the divorce process and co-parenting. (Beverly)
You get back what you put out, so if you can put out calm, meta facts and reason, you are more likely to get that back; however, some people start off aggressively, which ends up escalating things unnecessarily. (Bill)
Courts often adopt the first story, and anti-social are quick with their stories of how the other person is a terrible person, and even when it’s not true, it’s hard to recover from that once the story is out there, but you have to counter that with reality. (Bill)
Personality disorders have a sugar coating; when you first meet these people, they are super wonderful. So when you start seeing little boundaries being violated, it is a sign this could get bigger. (Bill)
If you are dealing with someone who has been violent, there’s a higher risk that they will be violent when they get bad news, so you want to deliver bad news in a therapist's office where there is someone who can help talk about it or have your lawyer deliver the news when you are in a safe place. (Bill)
FURTHER RESOURCES/RELEVANT LINKS:
Beverly’s personal Facebook page can be found at: https://www.facebook.com/beverlyprice365/
Women’s Divorce and Empowerment group discussion available at: https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorcerecovery
Her Empowered Divorce YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@HerEmpoweredDivorce1
Find Your Divorce Coach: https://herempowereddivorce.com/?divorcecoach
BIFF for co-parent communication: https://www.amazon.com/BIFF-Co-Parent-Communication-Difficult-Conflict/dp/1950057100
ABOUT OUR GUEST:
Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. is the co-founder and Chief Innovation Officer of the High Conflict Institute in San Diego, California. He pioneered the High Conflict Personality Theory (HCP) and has become an expert on managing disputes involving people with high-conflict personalities. He was the Senior Family Mediator at the National Conflict Resolution Center for 15 years, a Certified Family Law Specialist lawyer representing clients in family court for 15 years, and a licensed clinical social worker therapist with twelve years of experience.
Bill serves on the faculty of the Straus Institute for Dispute Resolution at the Pepperdine University School of Law in California and is a Conjoint Associate Professor with the University of Newcastle Law School in Australia. He has been a speaker and trainer in over 35 U.S. states and 13 countries. He is the author or co-author of over 20 books, manuals, and workbooks. He is co-host of the podcast It's All Your Fault, which he co-hosts with Megan Hunter, MBA, and has a popular blog on the Psychology Today website with millions of views.
Bill Eddy
Website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/bill-eddy-bba98a1b/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/highconflictinstitute/?hl=en
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnPDugfElJEgWCHbZhMGttw
ABOUT YOUR HOST:
Beverly Prices is the empowering divorce coach who guides women on their journey before, during, and after divorce to eliminate pain, overwhelm, sadness, and anger and create more knowledge, skill, and peace that she experienced herself.
CONTACT YOUR HOST:
Website: http://www.herempowereddivorce.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/her_empowered_divorce
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/herempowereddivorce/
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/7kIcMXrj1tIWBOmaXBBn1U
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@herempowereddivorce/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/beverly-price/
Email: beverly@herempowereddivorce.com
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🌟 Special Highlight:
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