Who Can you Turn to, to Help you With your Divorce?

Divorce Coach vs. Divorce and Empowerment Coach vs. Therapist

Back when I went through my divorces (yes, multiple), there was no such thing as a Divorce Coach or a Divorce and Empowerment Coach. I sure wish there had been. I could have saved myself a lot of time, pain and money if I had had one. I had to take the road alone. I wish that every divorcing or divorced woman reaches empowerment and happiness in less time, with less pain and with more support than I did.

The big question is: What is a Divorce Coach vs, a Divorce and Empowerment Coach, vs a Therapist?

Many women wonder what a divorce coach is, what they do and how they can help. I’ve heard the question many times, is “What does a Divorce Coach Do versus a Divorce and Empowerment Coach versus a Therapist?”

Divorce Coach

The CDC Center for Certified Divorce Coaches says, “Divorce coaching is a flexible, goal- oriented process designed to support, motivate and guide people going through divorce to help make the best possible decisions for their future, based on their interests, needs and concerns. Divorce coaches have different professional backgrounds and are selected based on the specific needs of the clients.”

Hiring a Divorce Coach may be your best bet if you’re serious about understanding and making progress before during your divorce. If you’re contemplating divorce, you may want a sounding board and someone who can share an overview of the entire process and implications. Divorce is a confusing legal and financial process in addition to being emotional roller coaster and a time-consuming and paper-intensive process.

A divorce coach is a supportive resource that will help guide people to better decisions by providing motivational support. They do not provide specific legal, settlement, or financial advice. But they are goal oriented and look for forward thinking and progress.

Instead, they create a safe and peaceful framework to help people clarify their goals, interests and outcomes pertaining to their divorce. A divorce coach will also work on communication and negotiations skills on how to best interact with a spouse. The goal is to increase collaboration and decrease conflict to reach a mutually agreeable outcome.

• 70% Coach: helping the client to shift their perspective so they can see new options, make new choices and get different results
• 10% Information Provider: sharing information with the client that helps them understand the twists and turns of the road they’re on, recognize milestones and identify where they might get derailed
• 10% Resource Provider: providing names of trusted professionals and community resources who are experts in their respective fields
• 10% Champion: helping the client regain confidence and create touchstones, such as who they are at their best, and who they want to be in the future when everything settles

Often, a divorce coach will make referrals to other trained professionals who specialize in certain areas where a person needs more help.

Some divorce coaches are certified while others are holistic, taking an emotional and practical approach to helping a spouse deal with the significant shifts of a divorce. Either way, a divorce coach is an effective resource to help with the transition process.

When do you need a Divorce Coach?

• Do you need to understand the divorce process?
• Are you clear about the legal and financial issues confronting you?
• Do you have so much stress that you cannot function?
• Are you in a state of fear more often than not?
• Do you have trouble making decisions?
• Does the legal system intimidate you?
• Do you need someone to bounce ideas off of when it comes to children or assets?
• Are you overwhelmed by potential parenting logistics and co-parenting responsibilities?

Empowerment Coach

In women’s empowerment coaching, help should be focused on teaching women to go after what they want – and be true to themselves, above all else.

Empowerment coaches are here to celebrate women – for all their amazing strengths they have to offer to themselves, the world, and each other.

A Divorce and Empowerment coach takes you even further. They do all the things that a Divorce Coach does plus the addition of creating a framework for an empowered client in the long term. Empowerment coaching helps you in every area of your life because it goes beyond solving specific problems. It guides you in finding an overall sense of confidence – and the agency to go after what you want for yourself. They not only help you navigate the divorce process and help you with communication and negotiation tools, but they evaluate where you are emotionally, work with you to define where you want to be, and then creates a plan for you to get there. They also support and guide you through the stages of divorce – Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance and provide you with tools to cope.

So many women lack self-worth and confidence. The Empowerment side of D&E coaching changes all that and takes you from just surviving at life to thriving at life through a path of acceptance, self-awareness, self-development, emotional growth and learning to find and use your voice and power.

With all the new responsibilities and the divorce process itself, it can be challenging to maintain emotional stability. The ultimate goal is to make it simpler for the client to adjust to her new life, understand the process, have tools to deal with her divorce’s challenges, and to help her grow to experience an incredible next chapter.

When do you need a Divorce and Empowerment Coach?

• You don’t know who you are after the split
• You are afraid to speak up and ask for what you want
• Your emotions feel out of control
• There is so much change that you are spinning
• You can’t seem to handle all your responsibilities
• It’s difficult to handle the new life yourself
• You are perpetually exhausted and/or emotionally reactive
• You feel disconnected and have trouble being present
• You keep asking yourself over and over, “What did I do wrong”
• You feel Guilt, Shame, Pain, Fear Resentment, Sadness and they won’t go away
• You don’t feel powerful or intelligent or good enough
• You find your communication to be hostile and unproductive
• You’re a people pleaser and/or a perfectionist
• You’re having trouble doing your job

There are so many specialties and modalities within the therapy world that it is hard to generalize about a therapist’s role. But the simple distinction in my mind is, a therapist works backward on childhood, inner child and deep past emotional issues. They can also specialize in issues with domestic violence, trauma, substance abuse and more. There are also various types of therapy such as Masters of Social Work, Psychologists, Family Therapists and more.

Therapeutic Coaching is a unique and innovative method of helping individuals recover from a variety of issues including mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, or other mood disorders; substance addictions such as to alcohol, opiates, Adderall or other drugs as well as to food; behavioral addictions such as to gambling, sex, or video games and other forms of technology; and other life and emotional issues including insomnia and family conflicts such as relationship issues, divorce, or co-parenting issues. Therapeutic Coaching is a blend of psychotherapeutic approaches commonly used by many therapists including cognitive behavioral therapy, motivational interviewing, and family systems theory, among other therapeutic approaches in addition to coaching.

Therapists are licensed professionals such as psychiatrists, psychologists, clinical social workers, or mental health counselors, and are trained in a wide array of modalities. The common goal of all therapists is to relieve suffering (mental health symptoms) and achieve a healthy state of being and functioning. Psychotherapy, also called talk therapy or counseling, helps individuals to gain insight into difficulties they are facing and helps individuals recognize cognitive distortions, irrational thought patterns, unconscious processes, and other such cognitive areas that typically result in emotional distress and mental health problems.

When do you need a Therapist in a Divorce?

• If the divorce is impacting your mental and/or emotional well-being to the point that you are unable to be present or complete important tasks, then you may need to seek professional help from a therapist who specializes in divorce
• If you are dealing with very sensitive issues such as substance abuse, childhood trauma, rape or domestic violence then you should see out a therapist
• Changes in your sleeping habits
• Decreased interest in things that usually bring you pleasure
• Decreased energy and motivation, making it difficult to complete tasks
• Changes in appetite or weight
• Thoughts of harming yourself
• Feelings of self-loathing. Thinking you’re not worthy of love or happiness
• Career or education goals are being negatively impacted
• Domestic Violence
• Childhood Trauma
• Rape
• Substance Abuse

Comparison – Divorce Coach, Divorce and Empowerment Coach, Therapist

The primary difference between a therapist and a coach is that generally speaking, therapists tend to focus more on the past, while coaches focus more on the present and future. First let’s explore coaching and therapy to discuss their differences and similarities, and then explore how they can converge in order to help bring maximum benefit to a client. The primary difference between a therapist and a coach is that, generally speaking, therapists tend to focus more on the past or present while coaches tend to focus more on the present and the future. Therapists are often more focused on cognitions while coaches are often more focused on behaviors. Of course, cognitions and behaviors are extremely intertwined, and as such therapists and coaches are often converging in their respective practices.

In contrast to therapists who treat issues from the past and delicate issues such as domestic violence and trauma, a Divorce and Divorce and Empowerment Coach focuses on the future – providing non-judgmental, confidential support, guidance through legal and financial processes, referring you to expert specialists if you need them, enhancing your communication skills and working through your heightened emotions to help with healing and building self-confidence. A Divorce and Empowerment coach not only does what a Divorce Coach does, but also guides clients to become empowered for a fulfilling future life. Coaches also employ a goal-oriented, forward-thinking approach.

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