Coercive Control in Relationships: Recognizing the Hidden Abuse

Coercive control is a serious and pervasive issue in relationships that can have devastating effects on victims. It is a form of domestic abuse that is characterized by a pattern of behavior that seeks to take away the victim’s sense of autonomy and independence, instilling fear through various means.

Understanding Coercive Control

The concept of coercive control was first introduced to describe a type of domestic violence that is more about control than physical violence. It encompasses a range of actions designed to make a person subordinate by isolating them from sources of support, exploiting their resources and capacities for personal gain, depriving them of the means needed for independence, resistance, and escape, and regulating their everyday behavior.

Legality and Prevalence

In some countries, coercive control is recognized legally as a form of domestic abuse. In the United Kingdom, it has been illegal since 2015. However, in the United States, it is only considered illegal in a few states. Despite its legal status, between 60 and 80 percent of women seeking help for abuse have experienced coercive control, pointing to its widespread nature.

Signs of Coercive Control

1. Isolation from Support System: Abusers may cut off victims from their friends and family, move them far away from loved ones, or monitor communications to prevent intervention.
2. Monitoring Daily Activities: Abusers might use cameras or other devices to keep constant surveillance over their victims, even in private spaces like bedrooms.
3. Denying Freedom and Autonomy: This could involve preventing the victim from working, restricting transportation, or stalking.
4. Gaslighting: The abuser will manipulate and lie to maintain dominance and make the victim doubt their own perceptions and memories.
5. Verbal Abuse: This includes name-calling, insults, and criticisms aimed at undermining the victim’s self-esteem.
6. Financial Control: Limiting access to money and resources, placing the victim on a strict budget, and monitoring expenses.
7. Enforcing Gender Roles: Demanding adherence to traditional roles to justify and maintain control.
8. Using Children: Manipulating children to turn against the other parent or threatening their wellbeing.
9. Controlling Health and Body: Dictating diet, sleep, exercise, and medical decisions to control the victim physically.
10. Inducing Jealousy: Making accusations to isolate the victim from their social circle and induce guilt.
11. Sexual Regulation: Demanding sexual activities and frequency, often with threats of consequences for non-compliance.
12. Threats Against Loved Ones: Using threats against children or pets to exert control and compliance.

Breaking Free from Coercive Control

Leaving an abusive relationship can be incredibly difficult, especially when coercive control is involved. Planning and support are crucial for a safe exit. Maintaining contact with trusted friends and family, seeking professional advice, practicing safe exit strategies, and having a safety plan are all important steps. In immediate danger, contacting emergency services or finding a way to safely leave the environment is paramount.

Final Thoughts

Coercive control is a complex form of abuse that requires a nuanced understanding and a comprehensive approach to support and legal intervention. It’s crucial for victims to recognize the signs and for society to acknowledge and take action against this form of abuse to protect and empower those affected.

Note: As always if you are in danger or afraid for yourself and/or your children call 911. You can learn more about safety planning and get support at the National Domestic Violence Hotline www.thehotline.org

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