why don’t we recognize The Many forms of abuse
Domestic violence is a pervasive issue that affects millions of people worldwide. When most people think of domestic violence, they usually picture physical abuse that results in visible injuries to the victim. However, this is just one type of abuse that victims endure. There are several categories of abusive behavior, each of which has its own devastating consequences. While the lethality involved with physical abuse may place the victim at higher risk, the long-term destruction of womanhood that accompanies the other forms of abuse is significant and cannot be overlooked.
Control
One of the most insidious forms of abuse is control. Controlling behavior is a way for the abuser to maintain dominance over the victim. This type of behavior is often subtle, almost always insidious, and pervasive. It can take many forms, including checking the mileage on the odometer following their use of the car, monitoring phone calls, using caller ID or other number monitoring devices, and not allowing the victim to make or receive phone calls. Additionally, abusers may restrict their partner’s freedom of choice in terms of clothing styles or hairstyle. This may include forcing the victim to dress in a specific way such as more seductively or more conservatively than they are comfortable.
Other controlling behaviors include calling or coming home unexpectedly to check up on the victim. This may initially start as what appears to be a loving gesture but becomes a sign of jealousy or possessiveness. Abusers may also invade their victim’s privacy by not allowing them time and space of their own, forcing or encouraging dependency by making the victim believe they are incapable of surviving or performing simple tasks without the abuser or on their own. In some cases, abusers may use the children to control the victim parent by using the children as spies, threatening to kill, hurt or kidnap the children, physical and/or sexual abuse of the children, and threats to call a government group if the mother leaves the relationship.
Isolation
Isolation is a type of abuse that often goes hand in hand with controlling behavior. It is not a solitary behavior, but rather a consequence of various abusive actions. By limiting the victim’s ability to see who they want, pursue their goals, and control their thoughts and emotions, abusers isolate victims from the resources they need to leave the relationship. Social isolation also prevents victims from interacting with the outside world and receiving support that does not align with the abuser’s beliefs.
Victims may also isolate themselves due to shame, fear of public humiliation, fear of harm, guilt, or other factors influenced by the abuser’s actions. The perpetrator’s treatment of friends and family, behavior in public, and physical injuries may also contribute to self-isolation. Ultimately, the reasons for isolation vary depending on the messages conveyed by the abuser.
Physical Abuse
Another type of abuse is physical abuse. Most people think that physical abuse means being hit, but it’s so much more! Physical abuse is any physically aggressive behavior, withholding of physical needs, indirect physically harmful behavior, or threat of physical abuse. Physical abuse can take many forms, including hitting, kicking, biting, slapping, shaking, pushing, pulling, punching, choking, beating, scratching, pinching, pulling hair, stabbing, shooting, drowning, burning, hitting with an object, threatening with a weapon, or threatening to physically assault. Additionally, abusers may withhold physical needs such as interruption of sleep or meals, denying money, food, transportation, or help if sick or injured, locking the victim into or out of the house, refusing to give or rationing necessities. Abusers may also abuse, injure, or threaten to injure others like children, pets, or special property. Victims may be subjected to forcible physical restraint against their will, being trapped in a room or having the exit blocked, being held down, or being held hostage.
Sexual Abuse
Sexual abuse is another type of abuse that victims may experience. Sexual abuse is using sex in an exploitative fashion or forcing sex on another person. Having consented to sexual activity in the past does not indicate current consent. Sexual abuse may involve both verbal and physical behavior. Abusers may use force, coercion, guilt, or manipulation or not consider the victim’s desire to have sex. This may include making the victim have sex with others, have unwanted sexual experiences, or be involuntarily involved in prostitution. Abusers may also exploit a victim who is unable to make an informed decision about involvement in sexual activity because of being asleep, intoxicated, drugged, disabled, too young, too old, or dependent upon or afraid of the perpetrator. Additionally, abusers may laugh or make fun of another’s sexuality or body.
Sexual abuse is a particularly insidious form of abuse that can have long-lasting emotional and psychological effects on victims. This type of abuse involves using sex in an exploitative manner or forcing sex on another person. Sexual abuse can occur within a relationship or outside of it and may involve both verbal and physical behavior.
One way that sexual abuse can manifest is through the use of force, coercion, guilt, or manipulation. This may include making the victim have sex with others, have unwanted sexual experiences, or be involuntarily involved in prostitution. The abuser may also exploit a victim who is unable to make an informed decision about involvement in sexual activity because of being asleep, intoxicated, drugged, disabled, too young, too old, or dependent upon or afraid of the perpetrator.
The emotional toll of sexual abuse can be devastating. Victims may experience feelings of shame, guilt, and self-blame. They may struggle with intimacy and trust issues and may have difficulty forming healthy relationships in the future. Many victims also suffer from anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Financial abuse
Financial abuse is a form of control where abusers manipulate economic resources to control their victims. Examples of financial abuse include controlling the family income and limiting the victim’s access to money, withholding financial information or hiding accounts, assigning an allowance or disallowing the victim from having a say in how funds are used, or making the victim surrender their paycheck to the abuser. Abusers can also cause the victim to lose a job or prevent them from taking one by making them late for work, withholding transportation, or harassing them at work.
Emotional Abuse
Emotional abuse and intimidation are other forms of abuse that can have devastating effects on victims. Emotional abuse is any behavior that exploits another’s vulnerability, insecurity, or character. Such behaviors include continuous degradation, intimidation, manipulation, brainwashing, or control of another to the detriment of the individual.
This type of abuse can take many forms, including insulting or criticizing the victim to undermine their self-confidence. This may include public humiliation, as well as actual or threatened rejection. The abuser may also use threatening or accusing language, either directly or indirectly, with the intention of causing emotional or physical harm or loss. For instance, they may threaten to kill the victim or themselves or both.
Other emotionally abusive behaviors include using reality-distorting statements or behaviors that create confusion and insecurity in the victim. This can include denying the abuse occurred and/or telling the victim they are making up the abuse. It might also include crazy-making behaviors like hiding the victim’s keys and berating them for losing them.
Consistently disregarding, ignoring, or neglecting the victim’s requests and needs is also a form of emotional abuse. Abusers may use actions, statements, or gestures that attack the victim’s self-esteem and self-worth with the intention of humiliating them. They may also tell the victim they are mentally unstable or incompetent, and may even force the victim to take drugs or alcohol.
Religious Abuse
Finally, some abusers use religion as a means of emotional abuse. They may not allow the victim to practice their religious beliefs, or they may use religion to manipulate and control the victim. For example, they may use religious texts or teachings to justify their abusive behavior or to shame the victim.
Conclusion
In conclusion, domestic violence is a complex issue that takes many forms. Physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, and intimidation are just a few examples of the different types of abuse that can occur within a relationship. It is important to recognize the signs of abuse and to seek help if you or someone you know is experiencing abuse. No one deserves to be abused, and there is help available.
Note: Do not leave the home without guidance from a domestic violence profession, your local shelter or call the US Domestic Violence Hotline at â€(800) 799-7233‬. The latest statistics show that 70% of women who leave the home without the guidance of a domestic violence specialist are urdered. Please don’t let that happen to you[
Beverly Price, certified Divorce and Empowerment coach, and podcast host, combines divorce and empowerment coaching to provide education, support, and insight to guide women along the entire divorce process, and to conquer its emotional, technical, financial and logistical challenges. She serves women in three groups 1) those contemplating divorce, 2) those in the legal and financial process, and 3) those who are divorced, but want a happier, more fulfilling life. She has a personal history with divorce, co-parenting, domestic violence and more. Combining this personal experience with her training, professional certifications and business knowledge, she can help women by supporting them along their journey, helping them to work through resentments, challenges of co-parenting, time management, communication, fear, sadness and shock.
She knows what it is like to let relationships destroy self-esteem and self-confidence. She knows what it’s like to handle co-parenting while being a single mother, to feel shame and resentment, and fear that she can’t do it all. When she finally embraced her authentic voice and her own power, she went from self-doubt to self-love – and that is what she wants for her clients. It is possible! You can contact her at herempowereddivorce.com.
