Divorce is a complicated process involving various emotions, and it can be tough for both parties. Unfortunately, various misconceptions and divorce myths only aggravate the pain. Myths make it challenging for people to end an unsatisfying marriage and live a happy life afterward. However, to ensure you don’t fall victim to any of these myths, you should be aware of them. (Please note that divorce laws vary from state to state. Always consult an attorney to find out what will apply to your specific situation in the state that the divorce is filed in.)
Let’s discuss some common divorce myths that undesirably affect many people’s lives.
1.DIVORCE IS ALWAYS CONTROVERSIAL
Indeed divorce is an emotional and painful process, but this doesn’t mean it will always be controversial. The controversy only happens when both partners don’t agree on a thing such as child custody, property division, alimony, etc. However, in most cases, partners peacefully decide things and part ways with grace. Everything is divided equally, and this is known as an uncontested divorce. It’s easy and cheap compared to a contested divorce that involves hiring attorneys, court hearings, and other proceedings. So, don’t overthink it.
2. ONLY MOTHERS ARE ENTITLED TO CHILD CUSTODY
Many assume that if parents are separated, only mothers are entitled to custody of the child. This is nothing but a divorce myth, as the matter of custody is awarded to any parent based on many factors. These include the financial status of both parents, their relationship with the child, and the child’s inclination. If any of both parents come out to be positive in all these factors, they will get custody. Moreover, different states are also changing their custody laws to ensure the decision is rational and not gender biased.
3. LONG-LASTING MARRIAGE MEANS HAPPINESS
While thinking about divorce, many people get advised by their friends and relatives to consider that couples with many years of marriage are living happy life. This is another one of many false divorce myths. Around six out of ten marriages are unhappy, which means people in long-lasting marriages aren’t completely happy either. Only a fraction of these people move toward divorce, while others prefer to stay in an unhappy relationship forever. So, associating happiness with long-lasting marriage is a false claim.
4. HAVING A CHILD CAN MAKE THINGS BETTER
Another of the many divorce myths is that if a couple has a child, things can get better. Having a child comes with immense responsibility, increasing the emotional pressure on parents. The parents’ living style completely changes, and they must give all their attention to their kid’s care. So, saying that a child can solve the issues between a couple isn’t true. The child will not solve it but rather put more pressure on both parents. So, if someone is telling you that a newborn would have saved your relationship, this is nothing but a falsehood. Don’t burden yourself.
5. YOU DON’T NEED SUPPORT TO HANDLE EVERYTHING DURING DIVORCE
If you think you can handle everything during divorce by yourself, think again. This is a common misconception that could lead to a more stressful and challenging experience. While you may believe that you can handle everything on your own, there are many reasons why you can’t.
In the case of a contentious marriage, you need lawyers and judicial help to sort out matters. Legal proceedings can be complicated, and it’s crucial to have an expert on your side who can guide you through the process. On the other hand, if it’s an uncontested marriage, you still need support from your loved ones to help you get through the whole divorce procedure.
Divorce is a highly emotional time, and it’s normal to feel overwhelmed and confused. Don’t hesitate to reach out to family and friends for emotional support. You can also seek the help of a divorce coach who can provide you with the tools and strategies you need to cope with the emotional challenges of divorce.
6. THE DIVORCE PROCESS IS ALWAYS LENGTHY AND EXPENSIVE
Many people believe that getting a divorce is a lengthy and expensive process. However, this is not necessarily true. The cost and duration of a divorce depend on various factors such as the complexity of the case, the type of divorce, communication and conflict management skills of the parties and whether the parties can reach an agreement on important issues such as property division, child custody, and support.
In an uncontested divorce where the parties agree on all issues, the process can be relatively quick and inexpensive. On the other hand, a contested divorce can be more complicated and take longer to resolve, resulting in higher legal fees and court costs. Most attorneys will tell you that you need at least a Divorce Coach, a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) and an Attorney on your divorce team. With this team, you can reduce the overall cost and length of divorce.
7. YOU CAN HANDLE EVERYTHING BY YOURSELF
Divorce can be an overwhelming experience, and many people think that they can handle everything on their own. However, this is one of the most common divorce myths. In reality, divorce proceedings can be complicated, and in some cases, you may need legal and judicial help to sort out matters. On the other hand, if it’s an uncontested divorce, you may need counseling and support from your loved ones to get over the whole procedure. It’s important to seek help when necessary and focus on your mental health to prepare yourself for the next journey.
8. DIVORCED PEOPLE CAN’T GRIEVE
Divorce can be a challenging time in everyone’s life, and it’s your right to grieve and show emotions if you have gone through a separation. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. The divorce process doesn’t end with signing papers, and you need time to heal. Take the time to look back at all the memories and moments you spent together. In this crucial time, the help of friends, family, and coaches matters the most. You should be open for help and focus on your mental health to gear up for your next journey.
9. CHILDREN CAN’T SELECT WHO THEY WANT TO LIVE WITH
Another common divorce myth is that children can select who they want to live with between their parents. However, this is not entirely true. The children don’t have the right to make this sensitive decision, and the court decides what’s best for them. Factors like a child’s stability, safety, and health are considered while making this decision. Children’s preferences are always considered by the judiciary, but the child isn’t the decision maker here.
10. ONLY WOMEN RECEIVE SPOUSAL SUPPORT
This is an outdated myth from a few decades ago when women could not work in a male-dominated society. However, now both spouses work hard and earn an income to support their family. This means women aren’t the only ones entitled to spousal support. The spousal support is given to the spouse who’s facing a bit of a financial crisis and doesn’t have a very stable job.
11. SEEKING DIVORCE IS DISGRACEFUL
Divorce is often stigmatized, and people throw comments like divorce is disgraceful, and this comment is mostly directed towards women seeking a divorce. However, seeking a divorce is not disgraceful or mean, as everyone has the right to decide what’s best for their mental and emotional health. If your chemistry isn’t matching with your partner, there’s no shame in parting ways. Living alone is always better than surviving in a toxic environment.
CONCLUSION
Going through a divorce can be a challenging time for everyone. If you’re going through this undesirable phase, know that you’re not alone. It’s essential to seek help when necessary, whether it’s legal help or coaching or therapy. Don’t let the divorce myths hold you back from seeking the support you need.
Beverly Price, certified Divorce and Empowerment coach, and podcast host, combines divorce and empowerment coaching to provide education, support, and insight to guide women along the entire divorce process, and to conquer its emotional, technical, financial and logistical challenges. She serves women in three groups 1) those contemplating divorce, 2) those in the legal and financial process, and 3) those who are divorced, but want a happier, more fulfilling life.
She has a personal history with divorce, co-parenting, domestic violence and more. Combining this personal experience with her training, professional certifications and business knowledge, she can help women by supporting them along their journey, helping them to work through resentments, challenges of co-parenting, time management, communication, fear, sadness and shock.
If you found this blog helpful and need further assistance with your divorce journey, please feel free to Talk to Beverly for personalized coaching and support.
